Guess Who's Baaaccckkkk?!?!

ahhh...london...the grimey streets, the diseased pidgeons, the overly polite yet overly grumpy people...no place like home aye?
well after my beautiful holiday in turkeyland i realised how much i wnt to get outta here despite loving my home...turkey was amazing...not only was it a break from life in harrow, but it was a spiritual and emotional test which i think has inshallah made me mature...it has certainly gained me new friends and extended my family hehe alhumdulillah...heres a lil low down as to wot happened der...i dnt wnna say too much cos i dnt wnna taint it in anyway...here goes!
wednesday 26th: arrived after a connecting flight from zurich...ate kebabs at the local kebab place with a creepy cat and even creepier chef
thursday 27th : went from hotel via air conditioned yet stinky tram to sultan ahmet where the blue mosque, ayah sofia and topkapi palace is...gt a tour in a tour bus which went to the asian side also whilst cheesy music was being played in my ears and spanish tourists clambered over me to get photos of the many sceneries..then prayed in the blue mosque (subhanallah!!!), went to the grand bizarre and ate
friday 28th :went to prince's island on the boat (it was also my sisters bday) took a tour on a horse and carriage and almost got sunstroke looking after baby mo...ate cake 4 jooly and had a nice evening
saturday 29th:Relaxed! went to the local bizarre (big bizarre) walked all along aksaray and in the evenin prayed in al fatih mosque
sunday 3oth: went to topkapi...all i can say is SUBHANALLAH!! saw d prophet's (saws) sword, bow and mantle(ish), footprint etc. and some of the sahabas swords (which we got photos of...but shhh!! it wasnt my idea!!!)
monday: cant remember for the life of me what we did...
tuesday :went to the wholesalers and later to the sulemayni mosque
wednesday: went to the al fatih market in the morning which ended up in a large discussion about...sumfin...with our family friend but got sum nifty oil that smells lke parma violets ....mmm...then we went to the calligraphy museum and walked all the way to emininou (farrr)
thursday:went to another island by boat and saw where the 2 seas met...ate fish! went to spice market and book bizarre
friday: prayed jummah at ayoub alansar n saw his tomb...went to big bizarre
saturday: went to big bizzare n bought my genuine fake Chloe bag! at meal time ate liver (eeeeew) and felt rllly ill
sunday: drove all the way to the beach but didnt swim, watched a street thing which me n mariam thought would be about the ottoman empire but wasnt and ate at a fancy restaurant that turned out to be gross...oh and i was ill
Monday: grand bizzare!and went to the park...went to pray in our old favourite blue mosque and ate our last meal at the local kebab place after a fight with my sister :(
tuesday: came home
well what can i say? it was probably the best time of my life n i miss it so much...i made a close companion who mashallah is hte sincerest most beautiful sister i have met mashallah and made a life changing decision that hurt but was helped by the light atmos of turkey...returned feeling lke i didnt belong, with a sense of dread and claustrophobia and yearned to go bak 2 yusufpasa.
i decided to write this today cos i had a particularly 'harrow' kinda day...went to wealdstone gt my hair dun den wnet to harrow where i saw so many ppl i lost count...and i cant mke up my mind whether i like the community atmosphere or hate the fact that its so suffocating...hmmm...
other news...got my wisdom tooth out, got my as results...4 As baby!!! mashallah subahnallah allahuakbar...all from allah may i be amongst the grateful (ameen) scored bout 96% in history, 92% in politics, 91% in film a nd uhm...88% in English...takbeer!!!
started lookin at unis...eek! and am chilling to the point of fustration...im out...
katerina

EEEEp!! holidays officially start!!
wow...so wot a week since i last blogged...subhanallah iv actually forgotten wen i last blogged so i shall start from returnin bak 2 college...now i aint as insane as you may think! but i had to return as presidente for the taster day at my college...when i get to size up all the new kids and point in random directions where the classrooms are...and size up i did...and unfortunately it seems that all the newbies r huge-ies too!! boy do kids grow up fast..me and my co prez (paris)were occasionally seen cowering behind others in fear of being eyed up by these overly pubescent teens...*shudder* oh and dont mention the winking boy, the horrible hugs from boyhead, the pervy guy from the ohter campus and the dead hedgehog...gross. but it was a good day although i completely doubted my selfworth on a few occassions making me completely reassess why i am doing this president thingy anyway...its for Allah (swt) so i shouldnt care what the men who i dont flirt with think of me or the women who i dont suck up 2...cos at the end of the day i am trying to be proffesional and that (not looks or flirting) is wots gnna get me places in the future (inshallah)...so all u out there keep makin du'a 4 me..

ok so then i took a lil visit albeit begrudgingly to St. Doms...unfortunately i was left in the chapel for the whole tme but subhannallah...wot a time to reflect...because 40 years ago my mother used to sit in the very same chapel as a lil catholic and question the entirity of catholocism...and now she is muslim, i am a muslim and members of our family are muslim...subahnallah allahuakbar alhumdulillah...i even txt her wen i was sitting on one of d old wooden benches she used to tell me about which made her reflect too...my grandmother too used to go to st. doms aswell...subhanallah...

so after that ISLAMEXPO!!! now i didnt rlly kno wot to expect wen i was coerced into signing up to volunteer and even as i arrived there nobody had a clue...but i was assigned to workshops n helped out there...the only thing that ruined the generally happy mood was that it opened about 2 and a half hours late...which made LOTS of people a lil peeved. not only were they annoyed but those not attending but watching hte news saw them dissing the organisation and the weak attempts of the muslims...subhanallah wot a slap in the face...we were all trying so hard and they couldnt even give us credit for our efforts...friday was a lil betta as i was assigned to the information desk (dont ask! ahha) now i wouldnt have minded it but, just as evry1 went on their breaks i was under attack from sister after sister, aunty after aunty angered at the fact they couldnt pray Jummah wiv d bros...is it my fault? NO! so i resorted to just agreeing to the great revolutionary statements spewing from their lips...but it did bring up sum gd stuff...i had a gd cata wiv a chinese muslimah about the state of the muslims n she wisely sed 'its like they dont kno the meaning of surat Nas' (takbeer!!!) i also had a loooong chat wiv dis security guard lady who was jewish...alhumdulillah...
ooh yh adn i bumped into sum old friends (squeeel!!!), got annoyed by new aquaentances and missed the normal events trio..:(
saturday subhanallah soo stressful but fun! and sunday...well...sad rlly...rlly sad lol...but the mood was lightend by zidan's headbutt, pizza and clearing the entire exhibition hall..subhanallah a beautiful time..and so many funny beautiful ppl mashallah topped off by us getting lost and taking a detour around finsbury park...

so after islam expo i was crazily ill (which i still am *cough cough* heheh) and spent ma time sleeeping sumfin i havent dun properly in ages...i then had a meeting where we won harrow college £1000. then stayed at home, went to another 2 meetings (1 wiv my prayer room grlies mashallah i lub dem!!) and came home to go out agen to pik up sum family friends who we consider family anyway and saw my friends beautiful son...mashallah i love that lil dude...so pure and happy (and oh so gangsta) i cnt wait to spend 2 weeks wiv dat beautiful family wen we embark on our trip to turkeyland...

soo0o still so much 2 write but so lil time...im outy neways
masalaama
kat

I'm BACK!!

assalaamu alaikum wow i havent blogged 4 a gd few months but have had soo many events happening that i wnted to blog bout so much! sooo..here goes
College
ok subhanallah im on my official first day of holidays (takbir!!) it's been an amazing year...one full of highs and lows (very very low lows) but alhumdulillah it is definately true that after hardship there comes ease. The exams were good...challenging as they should be so no surprises there rlly...history i beleive im gnna do badly in anyway so i dnt really care and i was slightly dissapointed with myself in my English performance but was reassured by my teacher who tld me that my coursework gained full marks alhumdulillah allahuakbar!!!
so with the mood of the exams finally over we had to return to college...the cheek!! but it was ok rlly...i gt to hang out with my friends and embarrassed myself infront of my politics teacher by being the only one to turn up on many occasions so much so that he cancelld our lessons as i wasnt too comfortable with watching tv with him by myself..
the prayer room...ahhh my little haven...well, after the exams it kinda became a ghost town...it just didnt feel the same without everyone n i was the only one of the 'Prayer puff girls' to come so i barely hung out there. *sniff*
but...alhumdulillah allahuakbar, my besty Paris n i wnt in 4 the student union elections which despite sum dirty politcs being played we won fair n square...which is gd if only my dad didnt kp teasing me and calling me 'madame president' evrey two seconds!!! i also had my review which my tutor said was the most outstanding review she had seen so she sent me down to careers to talk to some dude about applying to oxbridge...hmmmm sumhow i dnt see myself saying 'salaam i'm kat and i go to oxfords' Chrisitan college'...it was set up by the church so has all dese funky names which the guy sensed i was a bit :S about so he reassured me i wld be fine there...hmmmmmm

Other stuff
Friends
well i gtta say i'm already missing my mates...especially my Penny who went to Greece and will return in september...whennu miss sum1 so bad it hurts lke u cant describe n so even if i cld tell her it wouldnt do justice to how im feeling...but it was cool at college (well kinda) gt 2 hang out wiv cheryl n zaenab more..the scariest girls i kno!!(wooo! me, zaenab, cheryl, lisa, paris, nicole we're all premier league hahaa) and my little paris...welll...need i say more? and how can i forget all the prayer room girlies?! wow its sooo sucky wivout them bt alhumdulillah we're still in touch and they r alwaysss in my heart. oo yyh and an old mate from my middle school reappeared i nmy life...subhannallah hw ppl change. ooh yar n met up with the fatimah’s and had a funny party at warsan’s house…the reason for my sleepyness n bad English! ooo and my lil siddika..had sum gd catch ups with her...awww i miss the good old days!

other stuff
well appeared on islam channel once which was a lil embarassing but alhumdulillah ok (can i say 'like'? hahaah) and was offered a job to present 4 3 weeks which i accepted wivout the permission of mis padres (silly billy me!)…turns out I aint allowed on it due to the fitnah it caused before…ah well qadarAllah!
Subhanallah iv bn so busy recently its actually quite bad…went to Regent’s park open Air theatre to see Taming of the Shrew…it was actually open air so not only were we freezing but we also gt rained on! Also went to Keats’ house…he was only 5 ft 1 bless him!! Went to wimbledon(haha lets not get into that!) and dun alot mor but cant remember hahaha

Marriage
Well it’s the marriage season and alhumdulillah my mums best mates’ daughter got engaged (she’s also my best mates sister, and my sister’s mate!) but alas I hav realised that there is a correlation with the amount of boredom I encounter and the amount I thionk about marriage…for example during the exams I barely thought about it, bt as I get less things to worry about, the little issue slowly creeps into my brain hahahahaa…that may be why I'm keeping busy cos if not…bring on the heartache!!! And also my plans of marrying next yr may not come into fruition due to the extra responsibilities I have taken on…oh and the fact that I aint sure there is anyone to marry hahahaha

(ok wow i gtta stop soon!)
Anjum
yes she deserves her own subheading...yanee Subhanallah...she means mor to me den any1 n i cld go on 4 days about her but incidentlly i jst smashed my arm on the door frame so cant type much...wow film making, band practice, volunteering, goin to talks, eatin till we cnt eat anymor...jst sum of our adventures which we have cum across n inshallah this summer is gnna rock!!!!! i love you sister!!!!!!

ok so im gnna stop cos i gts things to do...but inshallah whoever reads this rememba me in ur du'as cos i seriously need them!!

masalaama
kat

Any point in me blogging?!!?
assalaamu alaikum! yh i dont rlly blog much...i dont think ppl read dem neway so i may aswell talk 2 myself n the only other person i kno who reads dem i talk 2 nearly everyday neway! so erm...yh lol...erm
well...islam awareness week came and went and was probably one of the best weeks of college so far! mashallah the weald muslims are AMAZING and i pray that one day i may b of the same callibre as them (ameen)..it was kinda awkward especially wiv d bros sittin smack bang infront of us...we were hidden behind thobes n turbans n flailing of arms as they passionately gave Dawah...alhumdulillah i love dat college...
ok so love is a very strong word for dat little hole...but amongst d grotesque and the depraved i hav finally found peace and happiness alhumdulillah...ok i do love it...
on holidays at the moment and revision isnt goin as planned (dammit my history teacher was right! i kept shoutin at him sayin that i WOULD revise 6 hours a day...if only that were true!)
went to a beautiful wedding and mashallah i pray dat d sister has happiness in this life and the next (ameen) n saw all d 'old' crew from wen i started practising...subhanallah how things change...and now i wnna get married big time! not 4 d weddin but d imam gave a wicked talk on marriage *aaaawwwwwww!*
been helpin my mate on her radio show...i feel like Roz on Frasier (audhubillah kufar reference!) hav many appointments due to my freaky bones to attend *bleh* but at least its better dan sittin at home...been feelin rlly weird and confused so i hope dat neone who reads dis prays dat Allah makes clear the things that r confusing me and guide me along the right path...plz...i need all d help i can get!
neways i''m bored n wnna play wiv sum make-up lol...
i'm out
masalaama
kat

ok! subhannallah time has FLOWN and i havent maintained my dear lil blog! ok so lets start it off well...
assalaamu alaikum!
ok so yh since the last half term i hav, yet agen, gone thru alot and unfortunately cant rel8 dem all 2 dis here blog as i dont have the sufficient time or memory...so here's just a lil update...
i was rlly ill this week alhumdulillah(it was seriously gross but Allah got me thru it!) so now i eat only plain things and feel nauseous every few minutes..erm...college is ayt but feel d work pile up and d immense pressure from my tutor (grumble)...friends r cool...family is well...eeman is strengthening everyday ALHUMDULILLAH and islam awareness week cumin soon! oik gts 2 dash...but rememba 2 keep Allah in ur lives always and stop all d silly billy divisions of sufi, salafi stuff cos its all 2 confusing 4 ma lil head!
masalaama
peace!
kat
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I don't DO nostalgia.

last year at around this time of year, when i was going through something really tough, my older sister told me something that made my emotions make sense and made them fit into a logical pattern (she's a psychologist! lol). she told me that relationships are based on two things- frequency and proximity. so basically this means that a relationship is based on how often u talk to, meet or spend time with the person and also how close you r to them. 'once this pattern' she reassured me 'is broken ie.you get used to not speaking to them everyday and you get used to emotionally/physically being more distant, you will be able to get over them.'
At this point in my life, when my emotional and physical link wasnt strong with that person i was able to get over them. and this was because at the time this equation fitted perfectly- it was not so much the friend i was missing as it was the routine. so with that, all was ok.

i wish that were true now. because i have come to realise that no matter how hard u try, if someone is yours then you wont ever get used to not being with them. on monday i met up with 2 of my best friends. i had not really called them that recently as with one of them the level of communication was somewhat sporadic and the other was non-existant. Yet these were the girls i grew up with. The former i have known since i was 3 and a 1/2, and although our path to friendship was a rocky one, and one that only stabilised during the beginning of high school, we had grown up together sharing similar experiences and emotions. the latter i have also known for a long time yet only became friends in yr 6. And it was with this friend with whom the lines of communication were near enough severed once GCSE's finished. yet with these girls i have grown up with...we were there for each other no matter wot and we were never the type to proclaim our love through hugs, kisses, cards or letters. we were the real deal. which is why on monday the dubious feeling that i was carrying dissolved almost instantly and we were chatting like we did every lunch time in high school. *sigh* so i dont think i will eva get over them nor will i need to as inshallah we will b together 4eva...but just dnt get me reminiscing...i dnt DO nostalgia.
i also bumped into sum of the BW crew in harrow and couldnt get over hw right it felt...something i havent felt in a long time.
i also beleive that frequency in a relationship can b about how often you think about them...there are sum friends who i love so much and hav influenced me so much that they have become integral in my life even if communication dwindles somewot (anjum! *cough cough*!!!)

also thursday was my 17th birthday...i can honestly say that the older i get the younger i realise i am! lol! i kno dat sounds wierd n i cant b bothered 2 explain so i'll let u think ova dat 1!

ok...well i would like 2 say alot more...i wish i could let the random thoughts that flash in my mind magically transfer themselves onto this page but unfortunately they cant so i'm gnna hav 2 stop. hhmmm....well here's a poem which was very relevant during the last term of high school and one which, wen i showed my english teacher made her cry!
Tomorrow saps my strength before she dawns,
as you're not there - you're not born of her reflection,
and the cynic in my stomach knows you never will be.
Should I die here - in this ecstasy of dreams?
Frozen blue/green diamonds in my thoughts,
Make me a promise that you will not fade,
and promise me you won't forget my name,
and what I have within my chest for you.
Promise me a second of your thoughts,
one distant day,when I am cold and clammy,
bruised and bloody, lost beneath the waves.
Promise me the joy of crying in your name -
Promise me you'll hold me when I fade
into that night that never wakes.
Be there when my last tomorrow breaks,
and when she sets, and in your arms.
In dreams regret can play no part. O Lord!
Promise me the stars will not forget what
they have seen...
and promise me you won't forget
that dusty rose that grew from
clumsy roots around your heart.

awwwwwwwwwww! k dats me 4 2day
masalaama!
kat

Muslim HIGHS n dunya lows...
assalaamu alaikum!! wow...what a fortnight! it seems years since i last wrote! ok so during my time that i have not blogged many things have happend and many a realistion have occured...so dis may be sumwot long!

rightyo...d first thing is probably going to be about my new abaya /jelbab wearing...i started officially a week after d x-mas holz which my very own sisters were not aware of *cough cough* ehe...but since that time i have experienced a new found level of respect and as opposed to worrying about perves eyeing you up or old muslim dudes shouting 'habibti' across roads, saying 'mashallah' to your face or ( the very sneaky one) 'assalaamualaikum'... instead of these awkward outings and fitnah my mind rests more on Allah and i feel more sisterhood between us girls...amazing wot a big piece of cloth can do!!!

so next thing...seriouso muslim highs experienced dese past weeks...d most beneficial i feel r d talks at my sister anjum's casa...its amazing how u dont realise how much u need real sisterhood...and i mean REAL...dis is about as luvly as it gets and aswell as d cool vibe, der has been sum intense learning and inspiring...so jazakalllahkhair anjumm, hafsa, ridah n every1 else!! and also d miscellaneous talks at college and general prayer room vibe....*grin*...so yh also d event of d erm...week lol....hamza yusuf talk!! wooo! dis was on the 7th at Friends House...i was seriously excited (but stressed!) but d event was amazing...and although hamza yusuf didnt actually get to speak it was amzing 2 be in that atmosphere and with so many amazing muslims (ok and it was made cool cos i went wiv anjum...i swear i hav other friends! lol!) and also other such events as d sisters one on saturday which left me in awe of those wicked, amazing, talented sisters...and i can honestly say that my heart has seemd to soften and detach itself from the dunya so much...and tears of love, hope and fear of Allah appeared which up to now had been seriously lacking since startin college....*sigh*...so here i want to say how happy i actually am and although painful, this disillusionment is seriously heavy!! allahuakbar!

i also wnt to say a lil shout out 2 my prayer room sistas especially taylan 4 being so cool n crazy n dedicated 2 d deen!! i also wnna say 2 parastoo and deena...i love you 2 like crazy n inshallah i'll b here 4 u 4eva!! adn nicole n penny...u kno hw much i luv u....n sabir u betta b in d prayer room next time i c u! *looks*...ok i seriously wold like 2 say mor but time and eye-ball pain has made me bring this to an end

so i will finish tis by saying...life is short..and we will die..and i kno dat sounds obvious but imagine YOU dying....dis life is short so no worries...trust in Allah, submit, obey, fear, hope and love....dats all i'm sayin
masallaama
kat